thinking...?

so this was one of the secrets on postsecret (and no it's not mine) but it really made me think, I have thought the same thing but seeing it and especially completing relating to it . I don't know what exactly I think? I am in a rush but I wanted to put it up and let whoever looks at my blog also think?

daily observations...

well where should I start? I guess yesterday I went on my only date of the semester, and well, I realized I wouldn't of minded if I didn't go on any... It was more of a hassle and a pain than anything... The chick liked to dance and so thats all we did... blah... the whole thing wasn't to terribly bad but I didn't get anything out of it but the bill coming to around 40 ish dollars...

today I woke up around noon with only an idea of what I needed to do that being I had to go to provo to sell my car (I'm going to school in S. Utah) so I could go about this a few different ways except it was raining so that left only one and that was to drive my big truck. on the way up though I picked up my very first hitch hiker... I felt bad cause it was raining and it was pretty much impulsive I saw him as I was cruising at 80+ mph and I just slammed on the brakes before I thought about it... but it was a good experience for the both of us, I say this cause he got a ride and I got a few answers I've always wondered about those being: how safe is it? he has hitched a lot of rides and he didn't have any horrible stories a few strange but nothing bad... where do you sleep? last night he slept behind a gas station... how long does it take to get a ride? I picked him up within 10 mins of him getting on the freeway... so I guess all and all I might try it one of these days... talking to him made me really want to do it I know this is only one experience but I have a death wish so whats the big deal...(I say this for many reasons mainly cause I drive a motorcycle hench my only option being to drive my truck as earlier stated...)

anyway the jerk that was going to buy my car wouldn't answer his phone, wtf just tell me you don't want it, but I went up there knowing that was probably the case but I had to get it back down cause somebody else wanted to look at it... and I wanted to go to the off road expo at the sandy city expo center... so yeah by the time I get to the expo center it is finished and everybody is packing up their booths? so I went in the back and looked at a few things that I wanted to and ha I didn't have to pay the 10 dollar admission fee...

saving 10 dollars I decided to eat nachos from a gas station before I drove home there were a bunch more details I was going to talk about but this is prob. boring and nobody cares so I will just end saying my eyes were opened a little more today, I do feel bad for not going to church but not really it is so fake. so whatever thats that...

pointless

so theres a lot on my mind, but none of it makes sense... I have to work for the next 10 hours and so I have plenty of time to sort out everything but all I want to do is go to sleep... so whats the point of this? I don't know, I think I'm learning money doesn't buy happiness and I just have to accept things for what they are... I really enjoyed "heres to hope" last post but I don't know what will come of reading it... anway I will shut up now and maybe come back later and get my thoughts out better....

Winter

so I'm not from Utah but this is my 3rd winter I've lived here. Every year I forget the fact that winter is cold and long. This winter was going to be different, I had jeep and it was fun to play in the snow with. This was only the case for the first few times it snowed. Then it got colder and everything went into hibernation and it was peaceful for awhile. But since then it's gone on for too long. About two weeks ago it got warmer and the foothills began to thaw out, this meant mud, mud is much funner than snow... but again it got cold and it has been snowing every night this week... so I'm not going to add any symbolism into this I am just looking forward to spring...

I'm not GAY???

I swear... OK so this will probably end up going nowhere and end stupidly but whatever.

So to start no I am not in denial. I obsessed with men I don't know why but I am, but even more so I am obsessed with myself. So I'm conceited? Actually I think I am and I think there are a lot of people I meet that think exactly that. I am so busy trying to act tough and being cool to myself that I don't really have any friends so I have to continue to look tough and be cool not to give myself away. It's a never ending cycle...

Lately I have been wasting a lot of money on stupid stuff I don't need to make myself feel better about myself and for people to think wow that kid really is cool...(that sounds like high school and that makes me really sick) but it's true. I don't know what it is, I'm 23 I've been living on my own for 6 years but now I am throwing this crazy temper tantrum for attention? and wasting all my money. But what good has it been doing anyways, I mean I've been saving it up for 6 years, for what?

The other part is I have reached the end of an era. I have to move and goto another school? I don't know where, I'm half way comfortable now but I have to move on. Is it I'm scared of the future, yes. I don't know where to go or what to do. But the motorcycle I'll probably end up with is going to be sweet and think of all the money I will save...

title less

so as I started writing this U2's song "stuck in a moment" came to mind I looked it up and this is the video link, I think it will work but I think pop ups has to be enabled???
http://www.my995fm.com/cc-common/videos_on_demand/index.php?reference_id=5423
anyway I don't know really what to say, I've still been reading peoples blogs, thinking and just living from day to day... I don't have the eloquence of others in writing but I guess I don't care... so yeah whatever I don't feel like this but it's a good song so listen to it...

Blogging

I consider myself not to be computer illiterate, but I have never been able to comprehend blogging the setup and format just doesn't add up in my head. Regardless I am going to try again and say something that is on my mind. This Christmas I have decided to be greedy and go on vacation instead of putting up with family... and I am happy about that desision. I have received flack about this but the ticket is bought and I can't wait to leave. I will also be away for new years and I want to be the first one to bring up new years resolutions. I don't know if I'm a big fan of them but I want to make a few. I don't know what they are going to be but something to the effect of I want to loose 10lbs... j/k sorry, this isn't much better but figuring out where I stand in my life. I have just be holding on and I want to start to be in control. I know that is a big one but its something that has be on my mind this whole year (2006) so maybe in 2007 I will do something about it.