hating life

so my life is sucking right now, school started and my classes are hard. Thats not the worst of it, the latest is I lost my keys today, I am so paranoid of doing this I don't know how I did it? But o'well it's done and they're gone. and thats not the worst of it either... but I don't even want to talk about it so this was a pointless way to vent my feelings...

feelings and change

I don't know where to start but with my feelings as of late. I don't know if I have come to any terms with myself and I am tired of it. One of the only things that keeps me from doing anything with somebody is my lack of "gaydar" if I knew someone was willing to go on a date or hang out I would prob. do it. I'm not saying I'd turn into a slut but I'd definitely have fun... I'm tired of
beating myself up for everything I do that has anything to do with my ssa. I realize if I don't change something when school starts I won't be able to get through. I can't afford to screw up one semester and that is why change is necessary. So whats the point of this blog? I don't know, for suggestions on what to do from people that have been in the same place? Or suggestions on how to be sure that someone is truly gay??? but what ever... I'm posting this and not thinking twice cause it is truly my thoughts...

Harry Potter ( I don't tell what happens...)

right well I didn't see anybody else post on Harry Potter yet so I figured I would, I won't say what happens either...
I waited in line for about 2 hours and got my book the second it turned midnight... !!!! I went home and read till 4 am and then woke up saturday and read most of the day, I had TWO chapters left when I had to goto church so I sat through 3 hours of church and went straight home and finished it... I liked it, it was great...
the book made me think a lot about things, but since I finished it I am back to normal life...

get a life

yes that is what I need to do. I am so closed. I keep to myself in everything I do. I have always hated group work and I prefer to work alone. So how do I change this? I guess going outside my comfort zone is the most obvious but it's so comfortable in here... so anyway this is just a note to myself...

info...

right well I got off work early so I figure I would let whoever is wondering that yes contrary to popular belief I am still alive... I rode my bike 1200 miles in 3 days and it was a blast! I have moved and I have found a job ! so I guess thats about it, so till next time or not depending if SLC traffic does me in...?

thinking...?

so this was one of the secrets on postsecret (and no it's not mine) but it really made me think, I have thought the same thing but seeing it and especially completing relating to it . I don't know what exactly I think? I am in a rush but I wanted to put it up and let whoever looks at my blog also think?

daily observations...

well where should I start? I guess yesterday I went on my only date of the semester, and well, I realized I wouldn't of minded if I didn't go on any... It was more of a hassle and a pain than anything... The chick liked to dance and so thats all we did... blah... the whole thing wasn't to terribly bad but I didn't get anything out of it but the bill coming to around 40 ish dollars...

today I woke up around noon with only an idea of what I needed to do that being I had to go to provo to sell my car (I'm going to school in S. Utah) so I could go about this a few different ways except it was raining so that left only one and that was to drive my big truck. on the way up though I picked up my very first hitch hiker... I felt bad cause it was raining and it was pretty much impulsive I saw him as I was cruising at 80+ mph and I just slammed on the brakes before I thought about it... but it was a good experience for the both of us, I say this cause he got a ride and I got a few answers I've always wondered about those being: how safe is it? he has hitched a lot of rides and he didn't have any horrible stories a few strange but nothing bad... where do you sleep? last night he slept behind a gas station... how long does it take to get a ride? I picked him up within 10 mins of him getting on the freeway... so I guess all and all I might try it one of these days... talking to him made me really want to do it I know this is only one experience but I have a death wish so whats the big deal...(I say this for many reasons mainly cause I drive a motorcycle hench my only option being to drive my truck as earlier stated...)

anyway the jerk that was going to buy my car wouldn't answer his phone, wtf just tell me you don't want it, but I went up there knowing that was probably the case but I had to get it back down cause somebody else wanted to look at it... and I wanted to go to the off road expo at the sandy city expo center... so yeah by the time I get to the expo center it is finished and everybody is packing up their booths? so I went in the back and looked at a few things that I wanted to and ha I didn't have to pay the 10 dollar admission fee...

saving 10 dollars I decided to eat nachos from a gas station before I drove home there were a bunch more details I was going to talk about but this is prob. boring and nobody cares so I will just end saying my eyes were opened a little more today, I do feel bad for not going to church but not really it is so fake. so whatever thats that...