october post...

so seriously I have no clue what I want from my life, I thought I was getting somewhere but now I realize I am still clueless. I'm in no rush to do anything so it doesn't really matter but one day I am going to have to answer or give some sort of explanation to my family. I guess till then I will just keep postponing it till they confront me? But I guess winter is coming to this forsaken area and it's going to get freakn cold so I will have to start wearing socks again and that is disappointing...

October Ensign

http://www.lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=e5cbba12dc825110VgnVCM100000176f620a____

I don't know if the link will work but its is on the lds website...

Elder Holland talks about SSA in the October Ensign I only read the opening statement. He came and talked at the U last sunday... to say anything it was amazing... at the end he basically gave a blessing to everyone there and I cried because that was something I so desperately needed... but I don't think it is enough.
I don't have answers but I seriously think this is harder to deal with then they imagine? maybe not but they aren't helping much...

hating life

so my life is sucking right now, school started and my classes are hard. Thats not the worst of it, the latest is I lost my keys today, I am so paranoid of doing this I don't know how I did it? But o'well it's done and they're gone. and thats not the worst of it either... but I don't even want to talk about it so this was a pointless way to vent my feelings...

feelings and change

I don't know where to start but with my feelings as of late. I don't know if I have come to any terms with myself and I am tired of it. One of the only things that keeps me from doing anything with somebody is my lack of "gaydar" if I knew someone was willing to go on a date or hang out I would prob. do it. I'm not saying I'd turn into a slut but I'd definitely have fun... I'm tired of
beating myself up for everything I do that has anything to do with my ssa. I realize if I don't change something when school starts I won't be able to get through. I can't afford to screw up one semester and that is why change is necessary. So whats the point of this blog? I don't know, for suggestions on what to do from people that have been in the same place? Or suggestions on how to be sure that someone is truly gay??? but what ever... I'm posting this and not thinking twice cause it is truly my thoughts...

Harry Potter ( I don't tell what happens...)

right well I didn't see anybody else post on Harry Potter yet so I figured I would, I won't say what happens either...
I waited in line for about 2 hours and got my book the second it turned midnight... !!!! I went home and read till 4 am and then woke up saturday and read most of the day, I had TWO chapters left when I had to goto church so I sat through 3 hours of church and went straight home and finished it... I liked it, it was great...
the book made me think a lot about things, but since I finished it I am back to normal life...

get a life

yes that is what I need to do. I am so closed. I keep to myself in everything I do. I have always hated group work and I prefer to work alone. So how do I change this? I guess going outside my comfort zone is the most obvious but it's so comfortable in here... so anyway this is just a note to myself...

info...

right well I got off work early so I figure I would let whoever is wondering that yes contrary to popular belief I am still alive... I rode my bike 1200 miles in 3 days and it was a blast! I have moved and I have found a job ! so I guess thats about it, so till next time or not depending if SLC traffic does me in...?