I'm not GAY???

I swear... OK so this will probably end up going nowhere and end stupidly but whatever.

So to start no I am not in denial. I obsessed with men I don't know why but I am, but even more so I am obsessed with myself. So I'm conceited? Actually I think I am and I think there are a lot of people I meet that think exactly that. I am so busy trying to act tough and being cool to myself that I don't really have any friends so I have to continue to look tough and be cool not to give myself away. It's a never ending cycle...

Lately I have been wasting a lot of money on stupid stuff I don't need to make myself feel better about myself and for people to think wow that kid really is cool...(that sounds like high school and that makes me really sick) but it's true. I don't know what it is, I'm 23 I've been living on my own for 6 years but now I am throwing this crazy temper tantrum for attention? and wasting all my money. But what good has it been doing anyways, I mean I've been saving it up for 6 years, for what?

The other part is I have reached the end of an era. I have to move and goto another school? I don't know where, I'm half way comfortable now but I have to move on. Is it I'm scared of the future, yes. I don't know where to go or what to do. But the motorcycle I'll probably end up with is going to be sweet and think of all the money I will save...